Come and Get It
by perfectsmuttyvampire
Summary: naughty photoshoot, aggressive arthur, crackfic!Merlin and a genera ous helping of crack.


TITLE: Come and Get It

SUMMARY: So maybe Merlin is tired of Arthur always making Merlin come to him. Maybe Merlin wants Arthur to come to him for once. So Merlin is going to get himself willing accomplices in the form of Gwaine and Lancelot, and make sure Arthur sees the results of a cheeky photo shoot…

A/N: For Holly. Blame her. These characters are not mine. If they were, this would be every Saturday night.

People, it's shameless crack. I'm sorry. Actually - no I'm not. Enjoy it.

MPOV

Right, well, if he's going to be a stroppy little prince, throw a pissy fit and hurl his toys out of the royal pram, then I'm going to have a bit of fun while he's occupied.

He expects me to be available when he wants, but when I want? Oh no. He's always busy. And of course we aren't having a relationship, we're just seeing each other casually. Yes, and our relationship is so casual, Morgana heard it two nights ago from the other side of the castle.

I decide on a plan while tidying up around his room. I know exactly the three people I need to pull it off. He's so messy, and he's also incredibly nosy. All I'll have to do is leave the package on his table, like I forgot it, and mark it property of Merlin, Private, and he'll be looking through it in a snap. I track down Morgana, and whisper the plan in her ear. She laughs, but agrees. I send Gwen after Lancelot and send myself after Gwaine, which is actually tempting fate.

"So, Merlin," he purrs. I recognise that purr. "You want me and Lancelot to participate in a naughty photo shoot, in order to make the pretty princeling jealous so you get a good shag out it?"

"You make everything sound so crude."

"So true. My point, dear Merlin, is what do I get out of it?"

"I get a good lay, I'm less grumpy on a day-to-day basis, and then we all benefit."

"No. That is you trying to make this sound better for me than it actually is."

"Fine. You get to slink around like the slut you are and rub yourself all over Lancelot like a cat. Maybe you'll get to talk him into bed, I don't know yet. That's what you get out of this."

"My friend, you have yourself a willing accomplice." I hold my hand out so we can shake on it. Rather than shaking it, he grabs me by the waist and kisses me full on the mouth. I let him in to tease him. I can tell that he falls for it, his hands are starting to drift lower. I pull away before he gets there, and he pouts. "Spoilsport."

"See you tonight. Bring some silk or a cushion. Something that looks like it belongs in a naughty photo."

"Will Arthur see these pictures?"

"Well, duh."

The boys are right on time, and I've seen Gwen at least twice. She's lurking. Morgana is priming her camera, and humming.

"Gwen, will you come and help me with this sheet of silk?" calls Lancelot, coyly. Why the hell do I hang around with such appalling little sluts? Gwen promptly leaves her so called hiding place and starts slinking about. Lancelot is playing up to it as much as he possibly can, playing at being utterly useless, making her touch him. I shake my head at Gwaine, who's smirking away behind Morgana.

"OK, so let's get this all done and dusted. All non-essential posers clear the set. I'm talking to you, Gwen. There's enough dazzle in here as it is."

"Ooooo, do you hear that, boys? We're _dazzling_," Gwaine simpers, sweeping Morgana into his arms. "My lady, you do us justice!"

"Merlin, call off the lapdog."

"Gwaine, come over here and implement your inherent sluttiness. Oh yes, just drape yourself into Lancelot's lap, don't worry about arrangement."

"Merlin, sit down in front of the boys. Rest your head back into Gwaine's lap. I suggest you all just be the terrible little sluts you all are, and then I'll photograph this terrible debauchery. And if you don't do what I say, I will show Uther the pictures."

So, as instructed, we act like the terrible little sluts we really are.

I flick through the pictures the next day. Morgana sure works fast. Hoo boy, I need to speak to Lancelot and Gwaine. Even I'm not as bad as them. There's a coupe in here that I'm not even in. My favourite, however, is the one with the three of us all just about shielded by the same piece of silk, me in the middle, Gwaine covering my front and hanging round my neck with darkened eyes looking at the camera. One of his hands is out of sight below the silk, clearly feeling up Lancelot. The lust on Lancelot's face is not faked - and I'm almost sorry Morgana stopped it where she did. I clearly remember the way his hands felt on my hips, and the way his lips teased my neck. My head is tossed back, my hand on his neck, my other hand braced on Gwaine's hip. I'm getting a copy of that one. I parcel them up in plain paper, write how private they are on the front, and slip a note to the nosy little princeling at the back of the stack but one picture - the favourite picture.

The trap is baited and I am eating dinner trying not to choke on my smirk. Gaius is watching me like an old hawk.

"I know that smirk, Merlin. Will I be expecting Arthur running in? Most likely in a fit of temper?"

"Perhaps," I say. "Most likely." He makes himself scarce. He's had enough of Arthur stropping about. He breaks things.

He doesn't come during the evening. He'd better not have finally developed a conscience about going through my things. But when I give up waiting, am I getting ready to go to bed, shirtless and with wet hair and chest, he slams in. The next thing I know he's swung me over his shoulder and is carrying me through the palace. I shriek joyously, but half-heartedly protest.

"God, what are you, some kind of caveman? Put me down."

"Shut up, Merlin!" He throws me onto his bed, straddles my hips and kneels above me. He reaches to his dressing table, and fans out a collection of photographs. "What are these, Merlin?"

"A little photo shoot I did. Don't I look ravished?"

"Shouldn't that be ravishing?"

"Certainly not, but many thanks for the compliment. I think the boys did a very good job of making me look quite perfectly ravished."

"Merlin, before I have them both clapped in irons, tell me just why you thought this would be a good idea?"

"Because it made you jealous, darling."

Damn right it made him jealous. I'm being stripped quite roughly before I can continue constructing my point. His nails catch occasionally, and I can feel the lust starting to build in my stomach. I lift my hands, intending to run them through his hair, but he slams my wrists down.

"Oh no, Merlin," he growls. "You wanted me jealous and possessive, that's what you're going to get. Do exactly as I say from here on out. Don't move." He takes his sweet time with removing the last of my clothing. He grabs my damn neckerchief and snaps it tight between his two hands. Something about him there, risen above me, totally, utterly, blissfully in control… "My my, Merlin, somebody is getting rather excited." He ties the kerchief around my mouth, and I bite down on it. I see the flash in his eyes, the bite of the lip. "God, Merlin, you are a shocking little slut. Turn over, on your front, and raise your hips. I think you deserve a little spanking." I repress a shriek.

I'm painfully aroused by the time he's finished. We need to do this again. Suddenly, he's behind me, moulding to my body, and he's whispering in my ear, wrapping his hand around the column of my neck.

"Surrender?"

"Every time." He undoes the gaps, throws it aside, kisses my mouth with passion.

So he takes me like that, almost violent, and every second makes me shake on the edge. It's only one touch, one caress, one kiss, and I'm coming apart in his arms, screaming incoherently, panting his name as he collapses behind me.

We wake up wound around each other. He's awake again, and flicking through the photos.

"Was it worth it?"

"Damn straight."

"You know, you do look damn fine. I like this one."

"That's my favourite too."

"Who took these?"

"Morgana."

"She's good with a camera. Do you think she could do one just for us?"

"Oh, if we asked nicely."

"You know, next time all you have to do is ask me to be aggressive."

"Well, can we be aggressive?"

OK, so I can't walk properly for three days. But I will happily pay that price.


End file.
